Insights from Living in Community

Last year, I made a massive jump in my life from one way of life, to another. I was living in Montreal, a metropolitan city, where I lived in a small apartment and studied visual arts in a downtown university, in the hopes of getting a diploma (which I did accomplish! Yay!). This is the story of so many different people – going in the city and studying in hopes of mastering a craft and entering the job market with that newfound knowledge. But my personal story felt like taking a bit of a curve into a different direction. I decided to jump on a plane to British Colombia and come visit for two months a farm and community – to work trade and live here. I had already moved out completely of my Montreal apartment – knowing that I would probably want to stay here – and I did.

A really funny photo of Camille and Tom that totally represents the beauty of Community Living.

I jumped into waters that I did not even know existed. I jumped into a world that felt scary and expanding. Living in community is different from every other living situation I’ve ever been in. I want to transmit here some of the insights I’ve learned from living in community here in BC for 11 months, in the hopes to inspire you in integrating these into your own life. I am no longer living in community at the moment, but I recognize the beautiful lessons and experiences I’ve had while living in one. I have not shared much with my friends and family about what I’ve been doing – mainly because I often feel like I was on a totally different planet living here. It is a totally different way of living, that is radical, beautiful, and sometimes comes with challenges – but the personal & collective growth is exponential when living with a network of other beautiful souls that share a similar vision.

Preparations in the Communal Kitchen for sushi night!

Many people think of living in community as living in a cult (or at least a lot of people have asked me if I was going to live in a cult before coming here… the answer is no). It is so different from the norm that we often would rather dismiss it as crazy. I recognize that in probably many communities, there’s still some experimentation and finding the right way of doing it. Because there are so many ways of doing it. I also recognize that many of the current systems we run as a society – are patriarchal (and ‘’culty’’) in many ways. Living in community does not totally erase those norms. We must recognize that a cult is giving away our power – reclaiming it is part of the path to self-respect. So as I am writing these lines – I invite you to keep an open mind and not idealise community living and community work – because on a global scale, many of our working environments, relationships and agreements are still polarizing and patriarchal on many many levels. The work of dismantling what has been toxic, is not one where someone magically waves a wand and those problems disappear. The healing work we must do as a collective is one that must respect our individual dignity and heart, one of communal care. Communcal care is at the heart of truly changing our ways of living. I think it has the power to be a game changer when done right - to go beyond our ideas of right and wrong and to instead care for each other as living creatures who all share the same needs - for shelter, good food, health and connection to each other.

The truth is – many of us are out of touch and disconnected. Living in community is a powerful and revolutionary way of being – allowing us to reconnect to each other and tap into our relational self.

Community living for some involves actually living in a community (where you live & work) like Tamera in Portugal for example, for some others it means being part of a group of people who gather on occasions. Whatever the shape it takes, it is part of our DNA to be tribal beings. Yet we separate ourselves from others, our wounds and stories from the whole. Most of us no longer live connected to our expanded family, or feel supported by a tribe of people that we live with.

One thing I realised very quickly living in community – is that there is such a thing as a collective ‘’field’’. This field is energetic, and contains patterns, ebbs and flows – moving according to the people who live in it. In the community I was living in – we had a morning meditation during the week, where we checked in with how each person felt and we would say what we are grateful for. It has happened many times that we all felt similar feelings – from uplifting feelings, to grief, to frustration or tiredness.

Practicing emotional transparency has revealed to me that what you feel is what I feel. Our emotions are not separate from the whole. One way we practiced emotional transparency (and emotional intelligence)– is we used something called forums – where we would share whatever is true for us in the moment. It is often a moment, where once a week, people come together to process their feelings & experiences. A place where we can cry, scream, laugh and let ourselves be seen in our emotions. We then have a round of ‘’mirrors’’ where other people reflect what they have seen in the performance, highlighting important parts, and contributing with an outside perspective on what otherwise appears to be a personal problem.

A beautiful double rainbow shining on the land.

This practice is radical – because it reveals what is mostly hidden from the eye. It reveals what we normally don’t talk about or share with others. To witness this practice is a privilege – where you get to see that you are not alone in your emotional pain, and that others have the same ebbs and flows as you do. You also get to see that one story might have many facets and perspectives - which dissolved for me personally the need to blame or judge, noticing we all are made of light & shadow at the end of the day. What matters is how we take care and support each other, how we express our own gift into the world, to share with others. Living in community in many ways has helped me shift from a victim state of consciousness, into a bigger awareness of the whole and my role within it. It has helped me take responsability for what I create in the world and take responsability for my feelings and desires. To recognize that taking care of myself is a deeply communal act. And to recognize that taking care of the people around me is also taking care of me.

I remember some situations in the past, whether with family, friends, or even in jobs – where having emotional transparency and compassion could have made everyone feel more trust and intimacy. To reveal our emotions in a safe container is a deep and real way to connect that builds trust overtime. Sometimes I almost wish that every working environment, every living situation - would have a weekly safe space such as forum to check-in with everyone and give each other the space to process our emotions, to find safety and connection.

When I first came into community living – I was a bit overwhelmed by the fact I was sharing space with so many different people. I had many feelings to process, and nowhere to hide. Living with many people that cared, were emotionally attuned and present – was scary at first. It was a slow process to open myself up to them and trust that I would be welcomed – no matter what emotions were in me. I processed a lot of grief as I first came in the space, which I didn’t even know was in me. I learned that when I would hide my emotions, and resisted sharing them – I would create much more resistance for myself, and leave no space for the mending that was so desesperatly needed. I also learned that when I would share with someone else and let myself be held, seen and loved – that my worries would go away much more quickly, and that I didn’t need to be fixed in any way. I simply needed the power of connection and love to be reminded of my true essence.

Living in community can also teach us to be more present with others, their emotions and what they feel. We become much more compassionate towards each other and our individual story pieces.

Community work requires us to take into account the impact we have on others. It requires us to work in harmony with others in order to create something bigger than ourselves. It expands our heart into the infinite beauty of connection. It is a reminder that your boss, your friend, your lover and your enemy – are just another you.